Later that day I wanted to see Fiona, so I gave her a call. Since we weren’t a couple anymore< I’d gained guts and was able to be honest with her. I asked if she wanted to come over and smoke some herb. In the past Fiona strongly disagreed with my marijuana use. It wasn’t anything I had done; in fact it had nothing to do with me. Her ex was crazy and smoked a lot of marijuana; she thought I would be the same. Saying, “Yes” she must have really wanted to see me; I was surprised, when we were dating this wouldn’t have happened.

Later in the evening Fiona showed up; we headed to the grocery store to pick up some candy, we both loved chocolate. Back at the house we headed downstairs, I cut up some weed, filling the pipe and we went into the bathroom. Fiona was a light weight; she hadn’t smoked in a year, not needing much I would have to smoke the rest. I could tell she was high; she’d loosened up and spent most of the time gazing at me.

After I finished smoking the weed, I turned on the fan and we left the bathroom. I moved my bed to the desk so we could use the computer for entertainment. At that moment Madison came online and sent me a message; I told her what was happening. She didn’t seem upset about what I had said earlier. We ended up talking for 20 minutes and I ignored Fiona; she was pissed but wouldn’t say anything about it.

Fiona stayed the night; she was too stoned to drive. She had a hot body and I wanted to touch it, but couldn’t; I was too concerned about her emotions. I didn’t want to be with her, I already knew that, plus there would be consequences to any actions.

The next day we stayed in bed and talked about dating; that was what Fiona wanted, I wanted what I could get right now if I said yes. The night before we slept in our clothes, now we were taking them off; we made love in the afternoon. Lying in bed, Fiona grabbed my hand and looked at my thumb. “What’s this?” I’d never noticed it before. “It’s probably from the flint of the lighter.” I pulled my hand away; I didn’t want her analyzing it anymore. She said, “You should be careful. Girls like Madison look for those kinds of marks; I think it’s unattractive.” I was surprised by what she said, but it was funny so I laughed; girls can be catty.

We decided to meet up on a Friday night; our rendezvous point was the fountain again. Madison asked “Want to stop by the LCBO and grab some alcohol?” I had had fun the last time, she was nice and this felt safe so I said, “Yeah, let’s go.” We both picked up beer; I grabbed a six pack of Corona while she grabbed a six pack of Budweiser. We headed back to her house.

In her room we listened to music and drank the beer, talking and flirting a little. Madison liked cigarettes and the smoke filled the room. Before long it was past midnight and the buses were no longer running; Madison said I could stay the night.

She didn’t look bad with cloths on, but once they were off I realized how large she was; when we kissed I could taste the cigarettes. We made out, but our underwear stayed on. Now that her clothes weren’t hiding her body, I was no longer attracted to her. I don’t mind girls with meat on their bones, real women have curves anyways, but this was more then I could handle. We didn’t have sex and went to sleep.

The next morning, waking up I discovered where I was; remembering the night before I didn’t wanting to stay any longer. Madison woke up, we talked a little, kissed, and I let it slip, “I’m not into this as much as you are.” At once her mood changed; she was pissed off and asked me to leave. I got dressed quickly and headed for the door; I had obviously upset her, her actions were justified. I’d made a bad call.

I took my time walking to the bus terminal and grabbed some Gatorade from a convenient store; catching a bus, I headed home. Luckily the house was empty when I arrived, so no one was around to ask questions. Downstairs I turned on my monitor; there were many messages from Fiona. She was upset, concerned and worried. I sent her a message to let her know that I was home; she wanted to know where I had been but I was very vague. She wanted to see me soon; I said that was alright.

She lived close by so we walked; talking along the way, we passed two major intersections, then she pointed, “That’s my house.” She lived on the bottom floor of a three story house, there were multiple apartments in the building and she shared hers with another girl. The apartment was cosy and consisted of two bedrooms, a small TV room and a bathroom; the kitchen connected the rooms together. She introduced me to her housemate, then we headed to her room.

Her walls were covered with art; she was an artist, a good one too. She also had a lot of clothes, mostly strange pieces and most obvious, a bright sparkling blue evening gown. She said, “My favourite store is Value Village, it’s a thrift shop.” She definitely had a unique style.

We spent the rest of the evening talking and listening to music. It was getting late and I had to catch the last bus home; I didn’t want to walk, it would take more than an hour. Walking out the door I said, “Good night.” Leaned forward, I gave her a quick kiss; she was a little surprised. As I walked away, we made plans to see each other again.

One of my housemates told me about CampusKiss, an online dating site; checking it out I discovered it was a quite fun, this was before the days of Facebook. While searching the site I came across a cute girl whose profile seemed quite interesting. She had blond hair and blue eyes like Fiona, but looked much cooler and less conservative. In her profile she listed a website which I checked it out; it was an impressive artistic blog that had interesting things to say. Through her website I found her email address and sent her an instant message, success.

After some conversations we decided to meet. She lived downtown so I asked, “Want to grab some fudge?” She liked that idea and said, “Sure”. I jumped on the bus and headed downtown for my date with this mysterious girl from the internet; not knowing what to expect, I figured it would be exciting. Once downtown I headed to the fountain, our designated meeting place; it’s always wise to pick an open public space. The streets were filled with people, it was rush hour. I spotted her quickly after realizing she was looking at me.

Her name was Madison; she was wearing cowboy boats, a jean skirt, western shirt and a 5 gallon hat. Attached to the shirt glimmered a vintage, plastic sheriff’s badge. She was dressed like a cowgirl but certainly wasn’t from the country; this was her costume for the day. I guess we all wear costumes, hers was just a little more obvious.

We headed towards the candy shop where we intended to pick up our fudge; I love fudge and had done this before, the fudge date. We decided on what we wanted, I got a chunk of maple and she got rocky road. Paying, we exited the store and returned to the indoor street; shops on both sides a glass, tin roof above. Madison asked, “Do you know anything about PowerPoint? I have a presentation and don’t know how to use it.” Without much thought I said, “Of course, I’m a computer nerd.” Slyly she said, “Can you come over to my house and show me how to use it?” I was a little hesitant, I’d just met her and she was already inviting me back to her house. What if she wanted to get me there so she could murder me? I thought for a moment, nothing ventured nothing gained and said, “Sure, lead the way.”

At home mom asked how the appointment went; she asked, “What did the doctor have to say?” So I laid it on her. “She said from what she could tell I’m alright.” I went on, “She asked if I thought I needed anti-depressants and I said no.” I could tell that this gave her some relief; she was obviously glad to hear that I was feeling better. She asked a few more questions and I told her what she needed to hear; at last she asked, “So are you alright?” I quickly responded, “Yes, you don’t need to worry anymore.”

A lot had happened, I’d become aware of my depression and started to feel better again. I told my mother and she recommended a counselor, so I did that and it had helped. I had seen a doctor and learned that marijuana wasn’t bad, which by default made it good. And finally after some insight from the doctor, I told mom I was alright and gave her the information she needed. Things were quickly moving in a new direction as they always seem to do. It was all because of a mother, a counselor, and a doctor.

The doctor asked a few more questions unrelated to my self medication, then asked if I needed anti-depressants. Considering what I knew, I said, “I don’t want to take them, I’ve heard a lot of bad stories about them. Plus, I don’t think I need them.” She went on. “You can try them of you want, but if you don’t think you need them, there’s no point.” I didn’t take any of the anti-depressant samples.

The doctor stood up and said, “Sandy, I think you’re alright, but you should tell your mother how you feel. When she called she was quite worried, she needs to know you’re alright.” I listened to what she said. I was surprised to hear this from the doctor; I hadn’t really considered how worried my mother was. I’d been feeling better for awhile, maybe not enough to be vocal about it, but I still could have said something to her about it.

While I drove home I thought about what she had said; first that my mother was really worried and secondly that marijuana wasn’t too bad. I figured I definitely had to say something to mom when I got home, but what was I to say. I thought back, I must have said something to let her know I was feeling better, didn’t I?