Lessons Learned and A Spineless product of my environment
Lessons Learned
Right Now
A desk should be used as a place to work, so this is where I sit. Spending most of my time here, I could get a lot done. It’s the first time in many months that it has been clean; there’s finally a space for everything I need. I’ve come to a realization; an idea that has been ignored for far too long. In the past few days, actions have put results into practice, and life has started to change.
Philosophy
It seems that too much philosophical talk is often only spoken of once. Some people don’t see a need, there doesn’t seem to be any practical application. But that can’t be true unless we make all of our choices without thinking.
Everyone has a philosophy; however they may not call it that. It may not be known by name, or maybe known by many different names. There are many layers, like an onion, and each of us are at a different place.
“What is philosophy?” you may ask. I would say, “All language, but then even learning to speak requires philosophy.” I would go on to say, “as our language skills develop we learn to create ideas, which we can project with words. We learn what a word means and create a representation in our brain. When we speak we create sounds; the sounds are interpreted as words, and the words are collected into sentences, each having a distinct meaning to each of us.”
Scratching your head you may ask, “What?” I would go on, “our creations (sentences) are representations of what we believe. We create with the hope that others will be able to understand. Through our art we can communicate, through our communication we connect with each other.”
You may be wondering why I am talking about this, you may even say, “This guy is talking about horse shit, he’s wasting my time. It all sounds like mumbo jumbo.” Don’t worry, I’m a little lost too. I think I have a point. I’ll get to it.
In order to create, we have to have a belief system made up of rules, goals, purposes, and a sense of right and wrong. We have ideals about what we should do, who we should love, and what we should hate. We have beliefs about family and how we should treat each other. All of these pieces are a puzzle of personal philosophy.
Our philosophy develops as we ask questions and learn about the world. It occurs when we read a book, watch TV, read the newspaper or a magazine, or have a conversation. All experiences cause evolution.
Experience comes in through the senses, and is rigorously normalized by a machine called perception. The inputs are compared to previous experiences and patterns are found; neuro-representations come together and we are conscious.
Our philosophy is used to give these signals meaning. Our knowledge is inevitably involved in the process of perception and experience. Philosophy may go unnoticed if we don’t ask questions. To avoid the questions is to avoid the process. But in the end it doesn’t matter, because philosophy is what we are living.
Whew I’m glad that’s over; it must be part of the onion. This leads us to where we now find Sandy.
Right Now Again
Finally sitting down, finally getting things done, it’s the first time in ages I’ve been satisfied with a day’s work. Today; wake up, jog, shower, next stop the computer for a job search and some writing. I’ve always wanted to write a novel; tired of waiting, I decided to start.
This was all done because I had taken the time to write down my goals the night before. This was new, something I haven’t done since high school. During OAC a piece of paper with the goal ‘Get into Queens’ was posted to the wall. All year I working towards the goal; it resulted in success. Needless to say, Queens was not for me, so I decided not to go.
Goals are important; I’d never realized this until now. Forgotten in the back of my mind and now remembered. It’s refreshing to make things happen, to see change, and to watch it all come together. I can finally see that it is possible to achieve a goal.
Learning the world is real creates a need for it to be taken seriously. Setting goals makes it possible for dreams to become a reality. Of course any major goal required the achievement of smaller goals first. Start by building a base, and then go up from there.
This conclusion has been a long time coming; I’ve realized how good it feels to get something started. Invigorated with new found motivation, motivation I haven’t felt in years.
Music plays in the background, then the words ‘paperchase motivated’ stand out. An experience for the past comes to mind. The night I meet Danielle, her words are unexpected but force me to think. Thrown off, she was different from anyone I’d met before; she contradicted so many of my beliefs. That night and these words lead me to this realization, a lesson learned in drive and motivation.
A spineless product of my environment
So today I had a weird experience at work. It’s strange, I’ve never realized how closed minded some people are, and at the same time, how their perspectives and comments can affect my reality. I thought about my reaction for the rest of the day; I wasn’t really sure why I did or what caused it, it was a mini-psychological experiment.
So what happened? I went to work, and when I got there, I ran into Doyle. He asked where I was sitting; I had just gotten there, so I said I didn’t know, he said let’s sit together. Doyle said he had had a rough night, and suggested sitting in a row that wasn’t filled with people. We took seat in the next row over; there was a guy from my training, Mike. At one point he said that he wanted to talk to me, on my break I got up and went to talk to him.
We talked about Internet stuff a bit, and then he said, “So, how you know that guy….?” He started to ask all sorts of questions, and then he pointed out that Doyle was gay. I knew, it’s quite obvious, he said he was giving me the heads up, “In case something popped up.”
It was weird, I felt like he was judging me. He was black, and apparently homosexuality isn’t viewed well in that community (A black friend mentioned this before). I didn’t think anything of sitting with a gay guy, a person’s a person; but then once Mike brought it up, it affected my view of the situation, and made me feel like I was being judged because of the person I was with.
I went for my break, and while I was in the break room I saw Isaac; talking to him, he asked where I was sitting. I vaguely described the location; when he asked who I was sitting with, I said Doyle, and he replied, “Oh the gay guy…..” He made a face, and then said, “Join us” (being the people he was with). When I went back to my seat Doyle was gone, so I grabbed my stuff and went to sit with Isaac and his friends.
Once I sat down, I started to wonder if I was totally oblivious to what was going on around me. I didn’t really think about what I was doing, I just sort of reacted…it was like high school or something, gossip, judging, close mindedness. I feel bad now, because I was being close minded as well; I was letting the people around me determine my reality, letting them judge how I should act.
Going to university, I was exposed to people of different races and orientations;then at work, being surrounded by people who aren’t used to people who are different, I allowed their views to determine my behaviour. I guess my point is that I feel bad about not standing up for what I believe in. It’s like I didn’t have a voice (I didn’t need to say anything), I just let things go, I could have been clever and insightful, but instead I was a spineless product of my environment.
